By Nick Simonson
When it comes to marketing, a good lure needs a good name. No angler is going to buy lures called The Skunk, Zippo, or The Blanker. Lures must have two essentials to catch the attention of anglers. First they must catch fish, and second they must have a moniker to remember, that catches the eye of the angler as well.
As winter begins to turn the corner toward spring, the Bass Pro Shops and Cabela’s catalogs bulk up many anglers’ mailboxes, delivering what’s new and hot as well as some old favorites too. Among all those lures, are those with the wildest, weirdest and wackiest names on the market, guaranteed to at least catch an angler’s attention.
One of the top tactics for lure companies is the naming of their baits after scary monsters. Despite their demeanor, and fearsome exterior, there isn’t a pike out there that wouldn’t fear a spoon called the Red Ripper. Names like Grave Digger, Executor and the Crippled Killer give crankbaits a mystique that would have every fish quaking. From the muck of your local bass pond come soft plastics like the Beast and the Kreature or the hideously mutated Ugly Otter, with tentacles waving and multiple arms flailing to seize unwary victims.
In opposition to modern trends of every product needing a low-calorie, low-carb, low-fat version, several bait brands know that bigger is better. Take for example the slightly overweight Chubby Darter and Husky Jerk crankbaits. Add a few more pounds and the Chunk plastic trailer is tipping the scales. Finally, hardly being politically correct, the Fat A crankbait by Bomber Lures takes the cake as the unhealthiest name of all. That is of course, if one doesn’t count the Pure Poison line of jigs by Strike King Lures.
But never fear, for all the unhealthy lures, there’s always the Doctor Spoon by Dardevle ready to get them back in good shape. My guess is he’d prescribe a healthy diet full of Fat-Free Shads – the Diet Coke to the Fat A line – for whatever species anglers are looking for.
Up, up and away
Then there are lures that could best Superman in a strength competition, out-do the X-men in specialized talents and control the denizens of the water better than Aquaman. As superhero names go, these lures will certainly be a draw to fishing fanatics. Imagine the muscles rippling, cape blowing in the wind and pincers snapping at evil when you think of the Incredible Craw by Bass Pro Shops. See the red beam of justice shining out from the Lazer-Eye Minnow as he melts through 10-inch steel to find the bad guy, while the Rocket Shad zooms through the skies after a hijacked jetliner. Finally, the Power Hawg grabs a doomed school bus full of nuns and children by the back bumper just in time to keep it from sailing off a cliff. Now those are some baits that are worth the price of admission.
See what other new baits with funny, exciting and downright weird names are out there. (Author’s note: As this is a family column, I decided to pass on listing the lures that sound a bit too X-rated to print, but they’re out there). You never know, baits with names like the Beast, the Fat A and the Incredible Craw, might just save the day…in our outdoors.
Featured Photo: Chomp! Chomp! The aptly named Chompers Tube is dynamite on largemouth bass, as its name suggests. A well-named lure should work on fishermen as well as the fish they pursue. Simonson Photo.